Day One.

This week is going to be huge. The biggest of my life, probably. I am so unbelievably calm. In five days, I will be recorded for a new television show on abc. I have these moments throughout the day when I have a mini-panic attack for about 37 seconds and then immediately I am calm again. This is strange. I guess to explain, I should start at the beginning.

Saturday, June 4th, I entered into what I thought was a karaoke competition. Once I got there, I found out that it was more than just your "garden variety" karaoke competition. This was for all the marbles. A chance to go to Chicago, then Los Angeles and then to Ireland to compete against other karaoke singers. A chance to be on the radio. A chance at my dream. Prior to that Saturday, I had entered into many karaoke competitions and never once won. I thought, if I don't compete and at least give it a shot -- I will always kick myself. So, I drug my husband, my best friend and her boyfriend out. I sang and nailed it. It felt amazing. They told me that my vocals could be enough to win the entire competition, to get me to Ireland BUT they needed to see a little more stage presence. I called my friend Lindsey and asked for advice on a song, you see after I sang the first time I started to get my drink on thinking I was finished with my portion of the competition. Well, we talked it over for a few minutes decided on a song from Rent, the musical. As I was walking in, I knew I couldn't do that particular song but another from Rent was going to be my ticket. I sang, I rocked and about an hour later I found out that I had won. I couldn't believe it. I had finally won a competition and this time it wasn't for some crappy t.v. or a $50 bar tab. It was for a chance at MY DREAM! 

A week later, I received a phone call from Damon - the owner of the DJ/Karaoke Business that held the casting call. ABC decided sending 10 people to the Chicago competition was too many, the only wanted five. There was going to be another competition. I was terrified. I had to compete again and against nine other contestants that had all ready won! I had only won a competition one other time and so I figured my luck had run out. 

I prepared myself for the inevitable let down but kept my "brave face". I invited a bunch of people out, I bought a new outfit and I was ready to give it my all. 

Tuesday night came. It was time for the 10 finalists to battle it out. It was going to be recorded and given to ABC. I had my sister come do my hair, I bought an adorable outfit. I looked good. I kept getting compliments on my weight loss and how amazing I looked. That helped boost my ego but I still wasn't sure I was going to win. I had some of my closest friends and family there to support me. They all kept telling me to calm down, "you have this", the words of encouragement were endless. I just knew that if I could make it tonight, I could probably make it through Chicago too. I just had to make it thought THIS night. 

I got to the bar around 8:30pm to warm up. I sang a couple songs, I hadn't yet decided what was going to be the song I would sing that night. Once I sang my three songs, I made my decision. It was going to be "what's up" by the 4 Non Blondes. A guilty pleasure of mine. Everyone that was at the bar seemed to love it, so I figured I'd do this one. The competition was to start between 10pm-10:30pm. It was almost 11pm and no one had mentioned anything about the competition starting. I was a nervous wreck. I kept drinking glass after glass of water, I swear I must have drank an entire gallon.

Finally, the DJ announced that the competition was going to start. My heart jumped up into my throat. What were these nerves?! I NEVER get nervous! I just get up there and do my thing! What was going on with me?! I didn't want to go first. I kept saying quietly to myself, "Please don't make me go first, please don't make me go first, please don't make me go first..". I think I said it close to one hundred times before they announced that "John" would be singing first. I hadn't ever heard this guy before tonight, he was pretty good at the warm up and I was excited to see if he'd flop now. (Come on, anyone who has ever been in any sort of competition doesn't ever want the competition to do well!) He gets up on stage and blows everyone away. He sang a song by Journey and rocked all of our socks off. He was unreal. So, so good. Well, this only made me MORE nervous. I waited for the next name. Not mine. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Didn't want to follow him! 

We waited and waited and it seemed like forever before my name was called. I walk up on stage, all my friends and family rushed to be at the front of the stage to support me. Huge sigh of relief when you have a friend that is 6'6", he tends to stand out a little bit. I hear the beginning of my song and this feeling washes over me. Something I haven't ever felt before. It was similar to seeing your baby's face for the first time. You can't quite put words on something that amazing, it's just incredible. I sang with every ounce of my body. The bar was singing along with me, screaming and cheering when I twisted the song to fit me. I finally felt myself letting go and it felt so right. I had never just put my heart in the hands of the audience like I did that night. I stopped being worried about how I looked, how I sounded, what people were thinking.. and let go. Turns out, when your mind isn't racked with a billion other things.. You can sound damn good. 


I finished my song and I was trembling. I nailed it. Whether I won or not, I reached a new level within myself. That was going to be enough for me. I grabbed my beer and told everyone to come outside. I needed to breathe and find out how they thought I did. I got stopped by random people in the bar telling me that my performance was amazing. I got stopped by people that I hadn't seen in a long time, they said they didn't recognize me at first because I have lost so much weight but I look amazing and I was definitely going to win tonight. I thought, "Pfffft. What do drunk people know?". 


Finally, everyone else was done singing and it was time. I walked to the center of the floor, below the stage and all my friends and family surrounded me. Jenni was holding my hand. Ryan was behind me, holding onto my shoulders. My step-mom, step-sister and friend Sandra were to my left, all holding onto me too. They kept telling me they knew I was going to make it, reassuring me that I had sang amazingly while Damon droned on about some nonsense making us wait for the results. He gave one name, a guy's name. Wasn't me. I didn't start to fret just yet, it was only one name down. He hem-hawed around until we cheered enough to get a second name. This time, it was a girl's name. Not me. I started to freak out just a little bit. He said he was going to say a third name. He said, "JEANNIE!!! You're going to Chicago!!". Jenni grabbed me and told me she was so proud of me. I was in tears. I couldn't believe it. Then everyone around me was congratulating me. I was still in so much shock that I have no idea what anyone was saying. Jenni said we had to take a jagerbomb, so on my way to the bar I text my husband to tell him I won and updated my facebook status. It really happened. I won. On the way to the bar, I got stopped, congratulated, high-fived, hugged and fist-bumped. It was incredible. 


It has been almost one week since that night. I am still in disbelief that I am on my way to having my dream come true. This year has been such an incredible journey and it is only half over. 


This was day one in the adventures of captain awesome.